Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
