My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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