I feel like abortions should bother me more
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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