Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
