I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
