WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize