I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
