nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She's better-looking with the mask on.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
