the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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