There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
