but the lizard people decide everything anyway
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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