youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
