just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
