Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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