turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
