he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I am naked and annoyed.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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