3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize