Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Still dying that you shit outside
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
