my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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