did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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