I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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