Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
