She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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