I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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