Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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