You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize