whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
