ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
