Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
