Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
