i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
