We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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