shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
