I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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