my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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