I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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