Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize