Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
