I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
