Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
