We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I understand Curling. That high.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
