Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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