Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
