OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
