Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
