Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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