Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
