I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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