you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
did you just send me my own nude
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize