This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
