you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize