At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
