dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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