I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
