My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
