Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
