using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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