I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
