i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
