Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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