thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
