the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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