spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
