she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
