i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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