I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
nutella sex= disaster
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
