im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
