If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
