Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize