I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
