Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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