He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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