Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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