I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
