That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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