3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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