I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
3pm strippers are depressing
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize