Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
