Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
