I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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