I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
