I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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