I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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