yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize