nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
