I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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