NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
